found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize