I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
