It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
