Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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