I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
