I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
