never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize