Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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