i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He? As in you personified your dick?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
