I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
