I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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