I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
