I hope mine doesn't look like that
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
