38 yer olds are good kisserssss
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
