Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
