My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
