thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
