just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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