You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
