Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
