We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
