problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
