the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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