Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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