woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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