I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
