he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
