FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
