just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
