I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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