the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
