is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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