What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize