my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Randomize
