I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
