just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
