no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
