I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
