Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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