Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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