I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
