Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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