oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
