I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
