We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
