it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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