we have pet lesbian snakes
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
