You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
