the new term for farting is butt boxing.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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