It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
