so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Be still, my beating vagina.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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