like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
