it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
