I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
