I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
