Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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