She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
