I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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