Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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