The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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