can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
