I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
