He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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