before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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