textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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