why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
