My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize