Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You're like the curious george of whores
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
God I need to hump something, right now.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
