No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
