Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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