Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
