Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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