She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize