The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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