I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
