i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize