For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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