Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
