I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
