the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
