I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
