So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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