Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize