he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
