Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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