Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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