My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
