Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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