just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
