He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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