Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
