Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I checked into jail on foursquare
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
