You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize