know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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