So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Randomize