3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
