Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
