i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
