I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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