Are we in a gay sports bar?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
