hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
