i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
