Cold hands, warm shart.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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