When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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