we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
