I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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